Kilts and Lies Read online

  “To answer your question. Ew. No. Jacob’s a redhead. You know my feelings on inter-ginger dating.”

  Did I ever. Sammy, who was a ginger-fide person herself, refused to date anyone with even a tinge of natural red in their hair. I know what you’re thinking. Sammy was some sort of self-hating ginger. Far from it actually. Sammy loved herself way more than she probably should. The problem was Sammy was from a small, less than three thousand population town. In said town was a family whose tree was missing more than a few branches, if you get my drift. According to Sammy, the Barretts were all red-headed, buck toothed, and weird. Sammy went to school with several Barrett children. According to her, the less diluted the gene pool became with every new generation, the worse the weirdness. Because of them, red-headed couples give Sammy the freak-outs. She said there was always a small part of her that wondered if the people involved were related to each other.

  “Yes. I know how you feel about gingers dating other gingers. You’ve made it abundantly clear. You do understand the Barretts are an anomaly, right?”

  “Doesn’t make it any less gross or creepy. Will you help him out, please? You of all people know how it feels to have an ex stick around because of a familial connection.” Aaand, we have finally reached the guilt portion of our program ladies and gentlemen. “Plus, from what I’ve heard, Brittany is a total cuntasaurus with a capital C.”

  I don’t even know why I put up a fight. I always said yes. Today wouldn’t be any different.

  “Fine. Send me his pic please. I don’t want to fake boyfriend the wrong guy.” Wouldn’t that be the icing on top of a shitty day cake.

  “Done. You are so going to thank me, Nik.”

  I seriously doubted that. My phone dinged, and I opened the message she sent. Holy shit. Hello, hottie. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. “This is Cross-fit Jacob?”

  “Uh-huh,” Sammy chortled. “Changing your tune, now aren’t you?”

  “Not yet. I still don’t know what’s wrong with him.” There must be something. Guys that hot shouldn’t have a hard time finding a real date.

  “One more thing regarding your assignment―” Assignment? Am I a spy now? Russo. Nik Russo. “Your name is Sammy, not Nik.”

  “Wait. What? I’m playing you?”

  “Well, yeah. I mean sort of. In name only. Jacob already mentioned Sammy to his family. Sorry, I gotta go. The car is here to take me to the airport. Love you. Good luck. Byeee.”

  Chapter 3

  jacob

  Sammy: Sent Nik your photo so he knows who to look for. He should be there soon. Sorry again for bailing on you.

  Me: You can’t pass up the opportunity. Thanks for finding a substitute. It was above and beyond.

  Sammy: Nik was happy to do it.

  Me: He knows he’s Sammy right?

  Sammy: Yep. Good luck!

  Me: You too. You’re going to kick ass. Stop by the pub when you get back in town. I will need all the deets.

  Sammy: Will do. Don’t let Brittany get to you. TTYL *kisses*

  Me: Be careful. Have a good flight. See you when you get back.

  I tucked my phone back into my front pocket. My chest felt heavy. The pub was packed with family and friends, but I didn’t want to be there. If it wasn’t for my brother and my future brother-in-law Ryan, I wouldn’t be. I wished like hell I were behind the bar slinging drinks or better still, up in my apartment vegging on the sofa in my underwear rather than sitting at a table surrounded by family. Correction, the people I loved weren’t the problem. The issue was my ex-girlfriend cuddled up with my cousin Logan at the opposite end of the table.

  The more time passed following mine and Brittany’s breakup, the more I questioned why I had dated her in the first place. When I was in high school someone like Brittany would have been considered a mean girl. Why hadn’t I noticed she was a horrible person? I guess the more appropriate question would be why hadn’t I cared during our time together? I’d been lonely and when Brittany got her way, she played the part of the perfect partner well.

  “Where is this new girlfriend of yours, Jakey?” Brittany made a point of glancing at the gold watch on her wrist. The one I’d bought for her our first Christmas together.

  “Jacob.” I reminded her to use my actual name, again. I’d hated it when she called me the ridiculous cutesy nickname when we dated. I loathed it even more now that we weren’t. “He will be here soon.”

  I gave myself a mental high five when her jaw dropped. Now I was sort of happy Sammy had canceled on me. Hopefully, this Nik person wasn’t an asshole and didn’t have a problem playing up the boyfriend thing. I wanted to shove my happiness down Britt’s throat, fake as it may be. I needed her and her suspected betrayal with my cousin not to matter. At least for the next week.

  “Wait. Sammy is a guy?”

  “Yes, Sammy is a guy,” I mocked.

  “I thought Sammy was a girl.”

  “I don’t remember applying a gender to Sammy. The fact you did is your problem not mine. I’m pan, remember? It was one of the issues you stated you had about me and our relationship when you broke up with me. None of which was you fucking my cousin by the way.”

  “Jacob,” my brother Ethan hissed. “Not here. Please.”

  “Whatever.” I took a swig of beer and turned my attention to the door. Maybe if I willed Nik to arrive faster, he would. No such luck. Ten minutes went by. Then twenty. Thirty. I started to think he’d stood me up. Not that I blamed the guy. Acting as a substitute plus one for a random dude wouldn’t be on my bucket list either. I had almost given up hope when the door opened and in walked the most beautiful fucking man I had ever seen. He wasn’t very tall, maybe a few inches below average. A bit on the lanky side. Olive toned skin. Thick, curly, black hair. Dark eyes surrounded by thick lashes. He was dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a pink button up, and… holy shit… suspenders and a bow tie in some crazy pattern. He was a walking, slightly geeky, wet dream. In other words, perfect. I held my breath. Please let this be Nik.

  He scanned the room. His eyes moved passed me then they darted back and sparked with recognition. We stared at each other for a moment. A smirk quirked at his lips. He straightened his spine and tilted up his chin as if girding his loins for battle. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he walked across the floor to my table. He moved with purpose and grace, bringing to mind a runway model in slow motion.

  I pushed my chair back intending to stand and greet him. The man shocked the shit out of me when he plopped his ass down in my lap. He kissed my cheek. “Hey, babe. Sorry I’m late. I had to run home and change.”

  “It’s―” I cleared my throat. The weight of his pert ass against my groin was wreaking all sorts of havoc on my body. “It’s okay, Sammy. I’m just happy you’re here.” So very fucking happy.

  Sammy’s eyes bore into mine and his brows furrowed. I tilted my head, confused about the silent message he attempted to convey. He rolled his eyes then cut them at my family sitting around the table.

  Duh! Shit. Manners. Right. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “Everyone. This is Sammy McClane. Sammy. My family.”

  My brother Ethan reached out a hand. “Hi. I’m this one’s oldest brother, Ethan.” He wrapped an arm around his fiancé. “This is Ryan, my soon to be husband.”

  Sammy shook his hand, then Ryan’s. “It’s nice to meet you both.”

  My other brothers Callum, Liam, and Rory introduced themselves. I pointed out my cousins at the end of the table. To be petty, I skipped over Brittany. If Logan wanted to introduce her, he could. She was his problem now. Obviously, my cousin didn’t get the memo and remained silent.

  Nik asked Ryan how he and my brother met. Ryan was in the middle of his answer when Brittany interrupted with a bratty, “Um, helloooo. Yoo-hoo. Sammy?” She waved her hands in the air like we all couldn’t fucking see her in the god-awful lime green dress she wore.

  I rolled my eyes. Why god, why? I get it. I was an idiot for dating her. Why must you con
tinue punishing me?

  Nik cocked an eyebrow at Brittany. “Um. Hello.”

  Brittany huffed a breath as if the whole world was tiresome. “I’m Brittany.”

  “Okay?”

  I tucked my lips between my teeth to stifle my laughter at the indignant expression on Britt’s face. She hated being dismissed. She had an unhealthy need to be the center of attention, all the fucking time.

  “I’m Jakey’s ex.”

  “Oh.” Nik nodded. He turned his head and looked at me. His eyes filled with mischief. He refocused his attention on Brittany. “Apologies. Jacob has never mentioned you, Breanna. Nice to meet you. I guess. What’s that saying? Your loss is my gain.”

  Nik’s emphasis on my given name earned him major points in the not-an-asshole column. But, holy hell, referring to Brittany by the wrong name shot Nik straight into hero status. I should start referring to him as Sammy in my head as well, so I didn’t fuck up and accidentally call him by his real name in front of my family.

  “Brittany,” she corrected in a slow, succinct tone.

  “Right. Brit-ta-ny. Like Spears. I’ll try to remember.” Nik fluttered his lashes.

  My brothers and Ryan dropped their heads hiding their smiles.

  Brittany huffed. “It’s not hard. I have a normal name.” She narrowed her eyes. Shit. I knew that look. She spoke before I could intervene. “So, Sammy. Are you like normal gay? Or are you like Jakey? He claims―” She made air quotes. “―to be pan or something. I have my doubts about that BTW.”

  Nik jerked back. “Excuse me?”

  Everyone at the table went silent and stared at Brittany in shock. Even Logan. My cousin gained his composure before the rest of us. He hissed her name. “Not cool.”

  “What?” she asked innocently. Brittany knew exactly what she’d done and enjoyed every second of it.

  Nik, who still sat on my lap, leaned forward resting his forearms on the table. “You do realize it’s impolite to ask about a person’s orientation, correct? If not, allow me to enlighten you. If I, or anyone for that matter, wish to share our orientation, we will do so. Nobody, and that includes you, is entitled to this information. The same goes for identity and what genitals are between my legs. Okay, Breanna.”

  “Brit-ta-ny.”

  “Whatever. My personal life including how and who I fuck or love is none of your business.”

  I patted Nik on the back, silently letting him know I appreciated how he handled the situation.

  “It was just a question. Jeez.” She sat back and rolled her eyes.

  “It was rude, and you know it,” I countered. “Sammy? Can I get you something to drink?”

  Nik sent a bright smile my way. Damn, just when I thought he couldn’t get better-looking, he flashed those pearly whites. I really needed him to find a chair before I embarrassed myself.

  “That would be great, Jacob.” He paused and pursed his lips in thought. “What was the name of the hard cider you had me try the other night?”

  “Hatchers.” The word came out sounding more like a question than a response. Nik was much better at improv than I was, obviously.

  His lips twitched as if he thought the same. “Yes, that was the name. I’ll take one of those, please.”

  Nik climbed from my lap, thank god. He sat in the empty chair my brother pulled over for him. I used the short walk to the bar to get myself and my raging hormones under control. I reminded myself Nik was here as a favor. It wasn’t real, no matter how attracted I was to him. Neither me nor my dick were getting any tonight, and we needed to get over it.

  Chapter 4

  nik

  After everyone left, I made myself comfortable at the end of the bar and ogled Jacob Campbell. I was mesmerized by my fake boyfriend. He was even hotter in person. Thick red hair, neatly trimmed facial hair, and bright green eyes that creased at the corners when he smiled. I enjoyed watching him as he moved around conducting what I deemed an end-of-the-night ritual of cleaning and organizing.

  I bit back a sigh when he stood on his toes to adjust a picture over the bar that had gone crooked. His calves were magnificent. The way they flexed as he moved. Unf. The man definitely didn’t skip leg day. I’d caught glimpses of his muscular thighs while we were at the table. I’d certainly enjoyed feeling them under my ass.

  His upper body was just as sexy. His dark green button up clung to his shoulders and biceps. He kept the sleeves rolled up to his elbow. Was there anything sexier than strong forearms? Don’t get me started on the tailored vest that hugged his torso like a second skin. The man was a Celtic god.

  “Hey Jacob?” Maggie, a pretty strawberry blond Jacob had introduced to me earlier as another cousin, called out. “Want me to lock the door?”

  I looked around. There were only a few customers left in the bar. “Do you need me to go?”

  “No. Stay where you are. Boyfriend’s privilege.” He winked. “Yes, please, Maggie. Last call guys.”

  Half an hour later the bar was empty. Jacob placed another bottle of Hatchers in front of me then poured us each a shot of whiskey. “Thank you for how you handled Brittany. I’m sorry she was so rude to you.”

  “Sammy mentioned her. I didn’t care for her attitude. However, I have dealt with worse. No offense, but what did you see in her?”

  “I’ve asked myself the same question several times. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer.” He held up his shot glass. I followed suit.

  “One party down. Here’s to hoping the others, plus the wedding, go just as smoothly as tonight.” He toasted.

  I froze. The glass an inch from my lips. “I’m sorry? What others? I thought you only needed me for tonight and the wedding?” I set the shot down on the bar.

  Jacob refilled his empty glass. He eyed me critically. “Sammy didn’t tell you?”

  “Is this the expression of someone who has been fully informed?” I asked and pointed at my face.

  He shook his head. “It absolutely is not. We have a couple of informal family gatherings and the rehearsal dinner next week before the wedding on Saturday.” Jacob sighed, then looked me in the eyes. “Look. If you want to call the whole thing off, I understand. I can tell everyone we broke up or something.”

  “Honestly, and this is extremely embarrassing to admit, pretending to be a stranger’s boyfriend was the highlight of my shitty day.”

  “I’m not sure if I should say I’m sorry or you’re welcome.”

  “Neither am I.”

  “Why was your day shitty? Since you confirmed it was not playing fake boyfriend for me.” He winked and shot me a crooked grin.

  “My horrible oldest sister Lotta informed me she and my other sisters Angie and Marie are flying to Las Vegas in the morning. They have tickets to see Pink tomorrow night. I know the only reason my youngest sister Camilla wasn’t included is because she’s pregnant and having issues with her blood pressure. They’ve had the trip planned for a while. Of course, I didn’t know anything about it until she asked me to stop by her place this afternoon. To brag. She also wanted me to water her plants and take in her mail. I’d understand if it was a sisters thing. I’m used to it. But when Cami couldn’t go, Lotta should have at least asked if I’d like to. She knows Pink is my girl crush. Did she? No.” I snarled in disgust. “It’s couples only. We single people fuck it up for everyone. Did I mention my ex and his fiancé are couple number four? Yeah. You think you have problems. My ex is a cheating bastard and my brother-in-law’s best friend.”

  Jacob winced. “Damn, Nik. I at least don’t have to see Logan that often. I am… I got nothing. Except the usual go-to meaningless platitudes. I’ll skip those.” He picked up my shot glass and handed it to me. “Drink this. You need it. Your car will be safe in the lot. I’ll drive you home or order you an Uber.”

  “You don’t need to go out of your way. I used ride share to get here. I wasn’t sure how crazy the festivities would get. I’ll order a ride whenever you want me to leave.”

  Jacob leaned
on his elbows. His intense green eyes studied me. “We should get to know each other if we’re going to pull off this fake boyfriend thing. Tell me about yourself, Nik.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Your last name for starters.”

  “Russo. You?”

  “Campbell. Age?

  “Twenty-nine.”

  “Twenty-six. Italian?”

  “On my father’s side. Greek on my mom’s.”

  “I bet dinner at your house was amazing.” Jacob grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. A gesture I saw him do a few times when he felt uncomfortable. “Shit. Was that a rude stereotype?”

  “It was a stereotype, but you weren’t wrong. Both my mom and dad are amazing cooks. Our family gatherings were things of legend. Infinite amounts of food. I dare say my extended family is probably bigger than yours. Both my parents come from families of ten. I’ve lost count of how many cousins I have. Like you, I have four siblings. Two older sisters, Carlotta and Marie. Two younger sisters, Camilla and Angelica.”

  “You’re the middle kid? I’ve had bad experiences with middles.”

  “Rory, right?”

  Jacob nodded. “My brothers loved to pick on me because I was the youngest. Rory was the worst. Middle child syndrome.” He cocked an eyebrow and gave me a pointed look.

  “I don’t have a syndrome. It’s called self-preservation. Did you miss the part where I said I have four sisters? Mr. I Only Have Brothers. Lucky bastard.”

  Jacob shrugged. “Don’t hate on me for something I can’t control.”

  “Yeah, well. You’re here and they aren’t,” I quipped. “Are you from Glendale?”

  “I am. I was born and raised here. My parents moved from Chicago when Callum was a baby.” Callum was the fourth brother if I remembered correctly. “What about you?”

  “I grew up in Phoenix. The only time I’ve lived out of state is when I went to college in New York. I had to get away from the Arizona heat and my family. I wanted to have my own life you could say. My own identity is probably a better way to describe it. I have a BA in Theatre and English Lit. The theatre degree for obvious reasons. English Lit degree because I love the written word. I went to New York with the idea I wanted to act on Broadway so I needed to learn all I could about my craft. I decided to earn a teaching certificate along with the degree. You know, just in case acting didn’t pan out right away? I wouldn’t make a good starving artist. I discovered I loved teaching. I still pursue roles, usually only during the summer break.”